Report Card

Visually unappealing, slightly bizarre,
White print on dark maroon
an unconventional leftist slant
disqualifies me by two-thirds.
with eclectic musical tastes.

I'm flattered. I want to be cult
Knowing this I do this because
because cult is all I'm capable of
not to do this is to do this.
and all I want to be culpable for.

Inside Out

I am saying think local, volunteer and donate when and where
I would have guessed you were a mayonnaise-dipper.
you can, be kind to you and yours, for selfish and justifiable
Oops. Sorry your jigsaw's nudged a millimeter off kilter.
reasons. I do think I do think too much. It's not so much
I'm as corruptible as an apple slice.
obnoxious as always being wrong being right.

Fingerprintlessness

The less people care the more
No, my first thoughts weren't for the dead
I think those who care care
they were for who killed them, hoping
more. I ask more of them
for a fingerprintless blessing.
than they care, caring less.

Dodon't

One search committee
I was on a search committee with Deb or Deborah just not Debbie.
we served on
Early we knew which candidate we'd choose.
the least of the candidates
One of the two lesser candidates was creepily christer.
bragged of interning for an asshat senator...
Hiring done, unanimous choice says yes,
This poem stopped. This is why I don't
a joke I made about that asshat senator has my building's christers calling me a bigot.
don't write poems about work.

Salesmanship

The asshole prosecutor from Law and Order, the guy
How much energy to freeze an inch of water
who does Ameritrade commercials, the reverse same
thus a hockey rink? I don't need to be mean
haircut, are we that fucking lazy?

I'm always mean first and then your bestfriend.
How did they find left-handed bit-actors
I assume that you're a smarter dick than me
because of the right-handed demands of a hair-part?
until I know I'm a smarter dick than you.